The Good 'Ol Days

See that picture up there?  That's me and my husband on our 4 year anniversary (pre-marriage) having dinner.  Awww....those were the good 'ol days.  These days, it's near impossible to get him to go out and do anything.  He is either tired or sick or has a headache, or just plain can't.

Ever heard of Lyme Disease?  He has it.  With just the single bite of a stupid f'ing tick, our lives were turned upside down.  It's hard to explain unless you know someone who has it, but it literally sucks the life out of you.  Last summer, on the day we were signing papers on the house we bought, on what should have been an extremely exciting day, my husband got a migraine right before we walked in there.  I chalked it up to nerves on signing our life away on this house.  Well, it got worse, he physically couldn't get up sometimes, his joints started cracking and popping every time he would move, and no one could tell us what was wrong.  It's absolutely heartbreaking watching the person you love and are getting ready to spend your life with, go downhill like that and not know why.  The first time we took him to the emergency room, the G.D. doctor told him he was just tired and stressed out and should carry protein bars around with him for extra energy.  REALLY????  $1,000 for your expert opinion on protein bars?????  The second emergency visit, we were told he was getting migraines, and they shoved prescription pills at him.  We went to several other doctors who started testing him for everything including West Nile, HIV, Swine Flu, etc. etc.  In the meantime, we were doing our own research at home...WebMD became our best friend.  Nothing was coming up though except Chronic Fatigue.  Well, unfortunately there is no test for that, so the doctor said, "yeah that's probably what you have.  It will go away eventually."  Gee thanks. 

Well, after doing some MORE research (mind you, this was 4 months after all this started), we went to his doctor and told him to test Robert for Lyme Disease.  "Lyme Disease?  That doesn't really exist here in the Pacific Northwest."  Well, that's great that you think so, BUT F'ING DO IT ANYWAY YOU JACKASS!!!  Low and behold, 2 days later, we had our answer.  Now the question was, what to do about it?  The doctor put him on antibiotics and told him he should be okay within a couple months.  Robert started feeling a little better with relapses here and there, but things were starting to look up. 

Here's a little known fact.  The CDC (Center for Disease Control) controls how doctors can treat stuff.  Doctors have to basically adhere to these rules or else they line themselves up for a lawsuit.  Per the CDC, 2 months of antibiotics for Lyme Disease should do the trick.  Guess what?  It doesn't.  My poor husband has had to research by himself how to treat this.  He takes 10-12 pills (supplements like Cats Claw, Teasel), 2-3 times a day, gets his antibiotics off of E-Bay out of the country, works out as much as he can because that's supposed to help keep his body strong, he's in the process of buying a Rife Machine (google it), I mean it goes on and on.  And just when we think it's getting better, it gets worse.

Last summer, in August, we went to the Oregon Coast for our week long vacation.  About two days into it, about 4:00 in the morning, I woke up because Robert was tossing and turning.  I asked him if he was okay and he said "No, I need to go home."  So, 9:00 the next morning, we packed up and went home on day 3 of our 7 day vacation.  Later, in September, we were getting married (September 5 to be exact).  He stayed in bed that day until 2:00 (wedding was at 4:00) because he just couldn't physically get out of bed.  At our reception I danced with him once because not only was it super hot ( and again, the heat brings out the Lyme in full force), but he just felt like shit and couldn't do it.  

The absolute worst part of this?  I have lost my best friend in the process.  He is no longer the man I met 5 years ago and fell in love with.  Don't get me wrong...I still love him, he is my husband now, and I am standing by him, but at the same time, he's totally different.  He can't be spontaneous anymore because he never knows when he'll have an "episode", we can't really go to the lake because the heat brings out the Lyme really bad, we can't really go on bike rides too much because of the heat, and he usually just doesn't feel like it, I mean life as we knew it has basically ended.  We still have our lives, thank God, but it's just so much different. 

I know he tries so so hard for my sake and Riley's sake (his son), but at the same time, it just all sucks so much because there is no end in sight.  Some people who get Lyme Disease have it their whole lives.  I cry sometimes at night when I go to bed (by myself while he does more research) because I just want my happy, spontaneous, carefree, beautiful husband back.  The one who felt good and wanted to crawl in bed and cuddle with me, the one who was full of life and wanted to go and see and do things.  All I have to say is F**K YOU LYME DISEASE!!!!